This has got to be the best fucking blog up in this bitch!

My 10 Simple Truths:

1. I’m not emo or scene. If I was, I would’ve killed myself a long time ago; because that’s no way to live.

2. I don’t want to see your tits. Or your ass. If you’re showing them off, I’m probably going to make the assumption that you are a slut - and if I wanted a slut, I’d still be with my ex. P.S.: There are some exceptions to this rule, I base it solely on my discretion.

3. Small talk sucks, unless you’re a good friend. Honestly, I couldn’t care less how your day went. Go make a whiney blog and let some simpering douchebag that wants in your E-panties console you. He doesn’t mind, really - he’s sensitive.

4. I like kittens and/or puppies, insofar as liking them will help me score with you.

5. I hate the words ‘no offense’, and you’ll never hear me say them. Because if I’m insulting you, you’re damn right I want you to be offended, asshole.

6. When guys say they like ‘you’, by ‘you’, they really mean ‘breasts’. Or ‘beer’.

7. God didn’t invent a vagina just to have it wasted with frivolous anal sex.

8. If Paris Hilton is any sort of role model to you…I don’t like you. No exceptions. Unless you ARE Paris Hilton, in which case: “F— you”.

9. Send me your nudes. Note that participation in my ‘Send me your Nudes’ charity drive hereby grants the participant full immunity to aforementioned Simple Truth ..2. Thank you for your support.

10. A breakdancing robot would be awesome.